Hey readers, if there are any...

Well, went to pitstop cafe with denny, yilu and clarissa to have some fun. It was really great. But didn't have the mood to talk about this now.

Well, my grandfather's condition is getting worse now, i don't know how much more it can get worse. He is not on any medication now and it's basically a matter of time before he... Ya, i can't even type out the word now. Well, yesterday, which is the 10th of nov, my mum noticed that he has been standing in the toilet in front of the toilet bowl for ages. Normally, he just returned to his bed after whatever business. But he has been standing there and shaking a little recently. So in the evening, my parents noticed that he has been in the toilet for quite some time with the doors closed. Dad told me to check it out. So i tried opening the door but it was locked. I called out to him and he answered, and unlocked the door. I opened it so as to checked whether everything was ok.

The moment the door opened, i saw him looking at me and there was a very shocked look on his face, and he starts stumbling backwards.

He began to fall back.

I rushed forwards to catch him and manage to hold his right arm. The impact was reduced and it was like he sat down on the floor slowly. My dad rushed forward and helped him up. I could hear him groaning. I could see some tears at the side of his eyes. My dad hugged him and told him it's ok. Parents helped him back to the bed. I went to my room and sat on my chair. I cried. It's a terrible feeling. It's uncontrollable. The image of his surprised/shocked face and him falling in front of me. What happens if i wasn't there to catch him? And i did not really hold him to prevent the falling. The images haunt me now. And every time he goes to the toilet, he does that standing thing over and over again. We have to help him back to his bed from the toilet, which is only 5 steps away. My dad have to help him on a wheelchair to get to the kitchen for dinner. He couldn't walk properly anymore. He was trembling badly whenever he walks or eats.

My dad pointed out that his legs and hands are swollen. He also appears to be in pain as he keeps stroking his nose and grimace in pain. I think that's because he has stopped taking all medication, as instructed by the doctors. Also, because of the 5 large tumours in his brain, it has grown and my dad thinks that it is pressing on to some nerves, affecting his movements. He believes that my grandfather wants to walk, but his limbs are not obeying, therefore, the strange standing in the toilet thingy happens.

I had difficulty sleeping. Any sounds from his room alerted me immediately, be it groaning or the sound of the toilet light switch clicking. How could i sleep after all these things?

I do not have the mood to do anything much right now. It affects me really badly and i don't want to be some emo guy which spreads the sadness around. That's just not me. I need some time. To anyone reading this, please cherish your love ones. You don;t know what you missed until it's gone. Cliche, but true.

As promised, i'm gonna start blogging again when i made it to JC 2, so obviously: I'M A JC 2 KID NOW!!!!

29 November!!! *HINT HINT*

I'm going to start blogging nicely now, have to leave the silly writing techniques used in the past. I was cringing when i read my previous posts... OH GOSH. Well, life now is more or less relaxing without PW or Mother Tongue exams chewing my ass. I think i spent alot of money going out and stuff, and i really feel guilty :/ AHHHHHH!! I have to buy prom stuff already but my dear JC 2 friends this year are about to have their 'A' levels in a few days.

My hols would be packed with activities like OGL camp, SYC '09 and i'm going to have tuition classes to brush up on my horrible foundation of my Maths. SO far, this year have been an awesome year. At least the impact of being retained is much more cushioned. I'm not going to blog very often, only when i'm really bored or there are some things i have to get out of my chest.

My grandfather is about to die. He si still around in the house as usual. But he has cancer cells all over the body, radiotherapy and chemotherapy don't work anymore. His head is turning black and he eats lesser. It really hurts to see that. And it's not helping when SOME relatives rarely visit him? My parents really dedicated and sacrifice alot for the family. It's impossible to finish describing and i don't want to divulge too much about my family problems. Every family would have their own. But it really maddens me, and particularly my dad, about how NATO (No Action Talk Only) they are! And he could be really frustrated with work and coming home to all these nonsense is not really helping him. Sometimes he will complain loudly to my mum or over the phone to my uncle. Sometimes he cries. He feels really stressed and sad for my grandfather, To see your own father who is usually the masculine and manly guy with a heavy responsibility on his shoulders, break down and cry, how do you feel?

Enough of it. I had enough. Seriously, if anything big is going to happen at my grandfather's wake, it will not be only my dad doing the talking and arguing, i'll be at his side and speak up for him.

i'm freaking reviving this blog if i am promoted to JC2. If not, i'll delete it.

YES I KNOW!

I've been really lazy and have absolutely nothing to blog. Wouldn't want to bore most people with the mundane life I have which could be summarized like this:

Wake up, shitzz, school, eat, home, shitzzz, sleep

Sorry to disappoint you all. All i can add here is that the drama public performance we had was really successful. My life is starting to become much enjoyable now, with the new friends and everything :)

No more emo blogging. Gonna change my blog and everything soon, with the help from someone.

hello, if you are reading this, thanks alot and looking forward to meet you soon :)

With P.R.I.D.E we serve, as one we lead

500 hundred 25 thousand 6 hundred minutes (1 year) have passed. I wouldn't say i've left council. I would say i left my 2nd family.

I might have said that i've moved on. Yes, i did, but nothing could stop me from thinking about council the last few days.

I've mentioned in my blog before, mentioned on Facebook's notes too, about all my feelings that day I was 'fired' from council. After Orientation, I couldn't continue being a councillor. It was devastating. I missed everyone. The badge not being worn already, no more duties in the morning, phone remaining silent from the absence of relays, no more late nights, no more proposals... It's quite hard to take it all of a sudden. I think the rest of the councillors are facing this now. This one year have been great. I enjoyed alot, suffered alot, learnt alot, laughed and cried alot.

Thank you 6th SC.

Brothers Association:
I thank all of you sincerely at the bottom of my heart. Thank you for spending all your time with me, laughing and joking together, and comforting me when i'm at the lowest point of my 17+ years old life. I couldn't express my feelings further. I spent most of my time in council with you guys, and we probably shared all our secrets already. A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Ex-co:
Edwin, even though i irritate you all the time, i was really really touched by your speech during invest. Makes me feel a little guilty, but that doesn't mean i'll stop disturbing you! Melissa, i think i've learnt the most from you. And you are the funniest person sometimes. Best moment was when i pranked you! Samantha, i think you saw my ugliest and weakest side on the 28/04/09. You were there to comfort me and cried with me. The silent warrior providing a never wavering support. Nina, the mother for councillors whose selflessness and boundless care she's unselfish with, supporting and encouraging others always. Kamal, my crazy counterpart who endures my snide remarks and teasings, and also my sometimes too painful punches. Your craziness/himbo-ness adds life and zest to council. THANK YOU EX-COs!!

SA:
To all my first i/cs, you guys are really the best people. You guys endure all the shitload of menial tasks and carrying on your responsibilities with all your heart. You guys really make me happy to have you guys as i/cs as i will never be worried about anything. You guys are the most efficient people, sometimes giving in more than you should. To the rest of the people, the support and hard work you guys made was not forgotten. I couldn't be so slack without the hard work you all guys put in. THANK YOU SA!

Teachers:
I've learnt alot from you guys! The support, encouragement and ideas you guys provide made my council time the most enriching one i've ever had! Thank you TAs!

The rest:
I've mentioned in my previous note before, i really do not know what else to say. But all you guys have been a part of me in one significant way or another. All you guys have endured my sarcasm and crazy personality and i thank all you guys for that! The support, encouragement and care you guys gave me will not be forgotten. The tears shed and the perspiration from the hard work we went through together will be etched deeply in my heart.

I admit, i might be one of the slackest ex-co, slackest council. I might have been the irresponsible one, for causing so much problems for TAs and council. It really affected everyone's mood, efficiency in events as there's not enough manpower and also bring some inconvenience. I'm erally sorry for doing so as i'm not responsible enough for my studies. For this, let me apologise:

SORRY 6th SC!

I'll be strong and stay committed to my studies. No more distractions. Hope we can still see and meet each other regularly, i really don't want the friendships to die off.
The six most important words: I admit I made a mistake. The five most important words: You did a good job. The four most important words: What is YOUR opinion? The three most important words: If you please. The two most important words: Thank You. The one most important word: We. The least important word: I.

Not what we give,
But what we share,
For the gift
without the giver
Is bare.

Meridian Junior College 6th Student Council
30 strong always

Give me the strength to tide over this period of time...

Every day before sleeping is the worse time of the day...
I chide myself for being such a coward.
Why did this happen to me?
Was is a mistake...? Did I rush into things too fast?
Nobody's wrong, nothing happened, but what had gone wrong?
I wish I knew, I wish people knew and could help me.
Instead, I chose to remain silent, and suffocate under the painful truth...

The ticking time bomb....

Let the water flow naturally, wind blow gently, thoughts sprout easily and life pass easily...

Sorry for the late post again! I've finally changed my blogskin :)

Life has been much more normal now. Been reading my older posts and found it to be extremely disturbing, like i have split personalities. There's a main issue on my mind, i have a solution, but i'm afraid to do it...

Today is Meridian's holiday. Because our 'A' level graduates generally did well, school gave us a holiday! Actually, my class arranged for an outing at Marina Square's Seoul Garden, response wasn't that good initially with around 10 people? But today, only 4 including me was there. Everyone backed out for one reason/excuse or another. I cannot believe i spend $65 a day just like that! If you think i'm scary, Serinder is even worse. She buys stuff without thinking twice. Spotted. It's nice. Look at the price. Buy it. Fast and simple. I wanna have a card to so i can be like that, but i won't be as crazy. She spent alot today. Yee Loo was there too. The 3 of us were the main crazy people that joked from start to finsih. Super funny! Benjamin was there too. And after a few hours, Wan XIn and Wen joined us. But they left after awhile.

I don't really wanna talk about what we did. It was just shopping and eating. I didn't shop, the girls did. I spend $$ mostly on food and freaking New York New York membership. That one expensive lah! $30. Now regretting. Oh ya, arcade was damn fun!

I've been piled with homework and upcoming tests again! I hate it! Another year filled with work again! I wanna enjoy my holidays properly!